Rules of the Booty Call
I’m a 38 year old gay man. I’ve made and received booty calls. They are no-strings attached sex between consenting adults; usually arranged with little notice. However, if long-distance booty calls can be setup in advance due to the logistics. Here are my tales of two recently botched booty calls.
Booty Call Rule #1
Declare that the meeting is a booty call. A booty call is a no-strings attached meeting for sex. Therefore, there should be no ambiguity in its declaration.
About a month ago on a Saturday night, I was at the New York City Eagle with my friend Gary. Gary was visiting from Seattle and we both wanted to have fun in a gay bar that night. The Eagle was as it is and I started talking and flirting with a guy. As the night moved on, I invited him home. He said no but that he wanted to get together again to continue where we left off. Fine with me. I got a call from him the next day to setup a time. We agreed on the coming Tuesday night.
On that Tuesday, we spoke on the phone several times to adjust our meeting time; eventually agreeing on 7 pm. As seven neared, he called to get a meeting place. I said that I only ate once that day and it would be great to meet somewhere for dinner. He joked that he was only planning on beer and pot at his place. I said that I needed to eat before drinking and that pot puts me to sleep so I don’t smoke it. We agreed to meet at Ramen Setagaya, a Japanese noodle restaurant.
Over noodles, we got to know each other a little better; normal first date stuff. As we left, he offered his place and I agreed. Over at his place in Chelsea, we opened two beers and started talking again. I sat on the couch and he sat on a chair nearby. I thought this was odd because us both sitting on the couch would have been more prone to making out. Which I wanted to do. A little later, I even asked if he wanted to come sit by me and he said no thanks. Odd. Once, he even took off his socks and rubbed it against my ankle and calf. Which I though was a bit reserved and again odd.
I needed to use the restroom so I asked him where it was and left the room. When I got back, he was finally sitting on the couch next to where I was sitting. When I sat down by him, we started kissing. Then he paused and said, “Its taken us three hours. Now we can finally continue where we left off.”
Right then in my head, I was saying, “What a dick. If you wanted a booty call just say lets get together for sex, bed, play around, etc.” It was completely unclear that this was a booty call. Don’t agree to dinner if you don’t want it. Just say that you don’t have time for dinner and would prefer if we just got together. And finally, don’t be some smartass saying it was taking too long when I asked you to come over to the couch earlier.
Booty Call Rule #2
Declare when a booty call has been canceled. A booty call meeting is not to be used to meet for drinks. If there is no booty, then the time commitment should be released so that all parties have that time available for other activities.
Tonight, I had a meeting for a long-distance booty call or a date with implied sexual activity. You need the backstory. I’ve known this guy for at least five years. We have been attracted to each other but one or the other of us were in relationships; most recently he was in a multi-year with a friend of mine.
Shortly before I went to New York City in summer of 2007, we saw each other out in a local Seattle bar. He was more heavily flirting with me and I noticed. A day or two later, I think, he told me in an email that he had broken up with his partner. Unfortunately, I was packing up for my summer in New York City. So, off I flew to my new adventure there.
Over the next six months, we casually flirted over email and cellphones; exchanging messages and pictures like this one he sent me of him [note: has been obscured and cropped]. 
We tried to get together when I visited Seattle in October, but I was selling my house and was extremely busy with packing. When I got back to New York City, we kept in touch. Then, when I planned a trip back to Seattle for January 2008, the guy said that he wanted to definitely get together with me and “we need to make it a priority.” I agreed.
When I got to Seattle, I sent him some messages and started to setup a time for us to get together. He showed excitement and we agreed to get together tonight; strangely…another Tuesday. Earlier in the day, I met with a movie director in downtown Seattle about my investment in his film. Tonight’s guy and I exchanged emails while I was on a break during that meeting. After the meeting, I went through rush hour traffic back to my friend Maryam’s house in Kirkland to quickly eat dinner and change clothes. He called about 45 minutes before us meeting to suggest a different bar, Quinn’s, and I agreed.
I drove back to Seattle, parked, and walked over to the new bar. He was sitting at the bar…with his boyfriend. Yes. Boyfriend. Boyfriend of three weeks.
I have no problem with canceled booty calls; schedules can change, situations, relationships, etc. Just call and say you can’t do it anymore. I have no problems with changed dinner or drink plans. Call and change them. Changes DO include adding a third person. A one-on-one meeting for drinks does not include a third without notifying all parties involved. Did he want a three-way? I don’t think so nor would I have accepted such an invitation.
The guy knew about his relationship for no less than three weeks. He knew his boyfriend was with him when he called me 45 minutes before our planned meeting time because I later found out the two of them were meeting early at Quinn’s. At no time did he mention he had a boyfriend, he was in a relationship, or that his boyfriend was joining for drinks. If I knew there was no possibility for booty with him tonight, I would have rather spent my limited time in Seattle with my friend Maryam at her house in Kirkland.
