Maybe as I get older, I’m starting to understand the complexities of world politics. Or…maybe that some county-to-county issues are not complex and instead are as simple as elementary school kid issues.

In short, the French are going to tattle on the Americans unless the Americans don’t tattle on the French. Its just like being in elementary school. If you don’t tell the teacher I broke the toy, then I won’t tell the teacher you stole the ball.

An article at Space.com details that the French Graves radar system has discovered dozens of spy satellites in low Earth orbit that are not disclosed U.S. Defense Department’s (DoD) published catalogue. When they asked the DoD, the DoD said, “If we have not published it…then it does not exist.” And the reply from the French was, “So I guess we have been tracking objects that do not exist. I can tell you that some of these non-existent objects have solar arrays.”

I fucking love the French more and more every day. The stand up to their government. They have a sense of humor. They have national health care. For the latter check out one of the following:

• Michael Moore’s film Sicko
• Physicians for a National Health Program
• Healthcare-NOW!

Col. Yves Blin, deputy head of the space division at the French joint defense staff, said, “Right now we do not have enough cards in our hand to begin negotiations…We need more time to be sure of what we are seeing. At that point we can tell our American friends, ‘We have seen some things that you might wish to keep out of the public domain. We will agree to do this if you agree to stop publishing the location of our sensitive satellites.’ ”

See…you don’t tattle on me, I won’t tattle on you. Its so simple.

Ok, this is the must have toy of the coming year. Intelligent Optical Systems, Inc., of Torrance, Calif. has developed a prototype flashlight that makes people barf. Easy stuff…point and vomit.

They discovered that rapid pulses of varying wavelength light causes people to be disoriented and many to vomit. Specially with a specific wavelength of light known as “the evil color.” This is similar to the “brown note” also known as the “disco dump” from South Park which makes people poop their pants.

So look out. Next time you try to sneak into a building, some guard might turn a bright and noisy flashlight on you. Next you know, you’ll be spewing from both ends.